29 Mar

rant alert: do it your way

When Mistress and I were first starting out on the Domme/sub pathway, I was tasked with doing some research; finding out more information for Mistress on BDSM.  I was recommended to look on Fetlife.com

It soon became obvious to me that there is an abundance of people willing to share their experience in BDSM, and actually a lot of them are a little bit scary to a newbie.


I also get a sense that there are a contingent of people who talk about the correct way of doing things; almost a clique, and as a newbie I found this hugely disparaging.

So my advice to anyone looking to start out with BDSM, is just to talk to each other as equals, and decide what is and isn’t acceptable to both of you.   There is absolutely no point in trying to start off with something really heavy like trying to leave purple cane stripes on the subs bottom.  If that’s where you want to get to, that’s good, but just start easy!


BDSM is what you decide it is – not what someone else tells you it should be, so don’t ever let anyone tell you (D or s) that you’re doing it wrong.  I won’t condone illegal activity, so that aside, it’s what you want it to be.


I have a list of things I gave to Mistress that I am comfortable with her doing to/with me, and as with all relationships, we compromised because there were things on that list she wasn’t comfortable with, so they are off the list at the moment.  The list is something we go back to on occasion, to amend with for experiences we’ve had or want to try.


The other thing we do is after a submissive session, we debrief and talk about what was good, what was not so good and what could be done to make it better, for both of us.

4 thoughts on “rant alert: do it your way

  1. Thank you for posting this. I am curiuos about BDSM and have had no idea where to start researching, I shall try Fetlife and some of the other sites that you have mentioned in other posts.

  2. Yes! Bdsm can be whatever you want it to be. As long as you’re enjoying yourself and using safety precautions like safe words, that is all that matters.

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