The story of how Mistress brought me to my senses; the craving
If you made it through the waffle of part 1, I sincerely thank you for sticking with me, and welcome to part 2; the craving.
I suppose for many people, spanking is part-and-parcel of BDSM or submission, or whatever you fancy calling it. It doesn’t have to be, but that’s an individual choice. For a while, I thought spanking was what I craved, and when we were playing D/s roles, I would deliberately sabotage myself in order to be spanked.
It certainly gave me something, it gave me feelings; sensations; hot; intense; I wanted more. We did a lot of spanking – crop, paddle, whip, flogger, cane, kitchen implements, hands, garden implements – but it still wasn’t satisfying what I was craving entirely.
We tried hot wax play, again, I loved it, and this went much more towards satisfying the craving. Hot wax feels a lot like a crop strike, the only difference is that it spatters, so it’s like being hit with 10 crops in quick succession. Even better is hot wax on the erogenous zones, and genitals in particular. That really does redefine hot intense feelings.
Wax play became a regular occurrence too; it can be quite surprising where you’ll find a small mound of wax days or weeks after playing. The added benefit to wax play is that the player can be creative too; make patterns, pictures.
We tried predicaments; some of which I have blogged about, and more I am sure I will blog about in the future, each one sated the craving a little, but still it gnawed away at me. We tried pinwheels, full body restraint, erotic electrocution, and again, the craving abates a little.
It’s only with time and experiences that I have come to understand the craving; much like myself, it changes and morphs depending on my mood, but for now I think I have the measure of it; with M’s love and guidance I have figured out the craving – I crave sensory overload.
Eureka! This is a watershed moment, a new dawn, and many other clichés.
This is why BDSM and I are such friends. What is BDSM if not sensory play?
Think about it: blindfold – sense of sight; hand cuffs – sense of touch; gags – sense of taste & speech. It’s about so much more than the sense of pain; and this is where we were going wrong in those early days. Yes, pain, or lack of is a part of it, but it’s only small. The craving is much more complex than this.
What I crave is my mind to be blown; to be battered by sensory stimulation; to have every single one of my senses on overload; so my brain cannot cope with the input and just sets me free. Psychoanalyse this all you like; I’m well aware of what this might say about my subconscious self, but I’m being honest here; for how else am I to satisfy the craving.
Each time we play we chip away at the craving. Whether it’s the ubiquitous spanking, a spot of tease and denial or just some simple restraint. Each playtime lets us explore the effects different things have, in the grand build up to the next time we have some lengthy D/s play.
The craving can be quenched, until it next morphs. But for now the craving is to be taken down; slowly, carefully. To serve without thanks; to be instructed and do; to never meet expectation, until I am exposed and am vulnerable and weak, and then left to whimper. To surrender myself completely to M. And then for her to breathe life back into me by manipulating the craving; by overwhelming my brain; by the manipulation of my senses