Lube is one of those things that makes the difference between an OK sexual experience, and a WOW awesome experience, however, reviewing one is notoriously difficult. I mean, what can you say beyond yes it’s slippy and long lasting?
Well, this new lubricant is about to change the whole perception of lubes, seeing a household brand stepping into the lubricant market, it’s sure to polarise opinion, as you will either love or hate it.
Yes, when I was contacted to provide my opinion of Marmite personal lubricant, I really had to consider whether I could stomach such a thing. I mean, black gooey gloop, on my wotsit, it’s not the most appealing thought is it? But in the name of science, I decided to give it a go. This mental block becomes even stronger when you open the box and realise that they have used the exact same jar for the lube that they use for the spread. You really will have to be careful how you store these.
The jar has the same yellow screw lid as the spread, and upon opening it you are met with that unmistakeable aroma that can only be one thing, and as expected it’s black and gooey. I love a thick lube, but this really pushes the boundaries of viscosity; turn the jar upside down and not even a drop of the stuff moves. Consequently, to use you have to scoop it out with your fingers or a spoon (or perhaps a knife), but there’s no hurry, this lube isn’t going anywhere, I reckon you could run a marathon between scoop and application and the lube would remain stuck on your fingers.
What this does mean is that you can be 100% accurate with application, and the colour helps you be absolutely certain where is lubricated and where isn’t. Sadly, these benefits also mean that you end up rather sticky, and smelly, and to be honest I’m not sure which is worse. As it heats up it does become slightly less viscous, but only very slightly, but heat means the stench radiates even more, honestly not recommended as a lube.
April Fools day salutations all