My good friends over at Lovehoney are doing their level best to get the world excited by male toys. Good on you I say, there aren’t enough wankers out there. I’ve been the beneficiary of a sqweel xt, and of REV1000 so far this year; one of those was really rather orgasmic, the other wasn’t. The latest wave of wankage courtesy of Lovehoney is the new superlative laden THRUST range. I was fortunate enough to be sent the Chloe to test.
Chloe comes in a box, a white & red box, it’s one of those vaguely familiar boxes, but actually represents a real change for male toys. I find they usually come in grey, black and blue boxes, which are of course awesome colours, especially for a blog, anyway, back to Chloe.
Chloe is a lot like many male masturbators; made of that indescribable material known as “real feel”, which somehow both feels real and alien simultaneously. The same way it looks skin coloured but in a way that no skin would ever actually be that colour. It feels real in the sense that it squishes like real skin, but then there’s no bone, or warmth, so it will never truly be feeling real. It feels exactly the same as fleshlights, and similar to those UR3 masturbators but without the stink.
To truly appreciate why Chloe stands out from the crowd, you need to know her full name. THRUST Pro Ultra Chloe Super Ribbed & Bumps Vagina. Yes, not just THRUST, but THRUST pro! It doesn’t stop there either, Ultra, Super! I have this picture in my mind of the brainstorming session for naming this toy. The Lovehoney bigwigs sat around a table drinking coffee from booby shaped mugs. “Right everyone write down a buzz word, and we’ll pick one for the new range.” 10 hours later, still arguing over the shortlisted terms, in their coffee induced mania they commission all of the words. ALL OF THEM!! MUHAHAHHH
Anyway, back to Chloe.
She is pretty limp, exactly like a fleshlight, but without the casing to give rigidity to the sleeve. It’s not a problem, since once you slide your cock into her, Chloe suddenly goes rigid too!
But maybe I’m jumping ahead of myself here. Chloe is a little longer than 6 inches, has a tiny tiny entrance hole, and is tight enough inside to give sensation to even the skinniest of dicks. The end of her hole is open, so if you are longer than 6 inches in length, your cock pops out of Chloe’s back end, rather than hitting a wall. Even though her hole is pretty tiny, it’s super stretchy, and I can almost, but not quite, get my arm in, although I’m not sure Chloe likes fisting.
The box proudly proclaims super ribbed and bumps texture. Now, I don’t know about your own penis, but mine can’t tell a rib from a bump, or a nodule from noodle for that matter, it all just feels great, as long as there is lube involved. So, yeah, I’ll go along with the fact that the ribs are super since it does feel really good.
Once you get over the floppiness, and get your erection inside Chloe, she’s pretty good, it feels nice, she’s very accommodating, goes at your speed, does exactly what you want, and caresses just how you like it. But wait! Chloe has another trick up her sleeve, or more precisely, another trick up her pig’s snout.
Yes, getting back to Chloe’s rear end for a moment, which is decidedly porcine in appearance. Beside the open end of her super ribbed and bumps hole is a wee divot for a bullet. My first instinct is that this just is not going to work. I mean, how on earth are the vibrations from a bullet going to travel through this mound of real feel flesh?
Turns out I was wrong. Please don’t tell M about this, as she goes to lengths to prove me wrong on a daily basis, such is my degree of being right. Admittedly I used the super mega ultra powerful We-Vibe Tango and its awesome rumbly vibes. The bullet does sit less than inch away from the penis, and wow, it’s like a stroke of orgasmic genius. With the addition of the Tango, orgasms are only a short stroke away, and boy does Chloe give some good ones. In fact, so effective is the bullet that I’m thinking of putting the Tango up M’s bottom next time we have vanilla sex just to see if it has the same effect.