My love of Pizza is well known, but perhaps what is not quite so well publicised is my adoration of another Italian delicacy – gelato. So when System JO released a gelato inspired range of lubes, I just had to have some, and fortunately, they said yes to sending me some in exchange for review.
System JO Gelato as Lube
I suppose first and foremost this is a lubricant, so I should write a few lines about that. It comes in your standard System JO bottle, but with a difference. System JO lube bottles are usually minimalist and function, however with this they have gone all upmarket, dark labelling, gold font, arty images. Then again, this isn’t ice cream, it’s gelato.
As a lube, it has a few suspect ingredients, that those with more sensitive skin might want to avoid, but then we have to bear in mind that this is an edible product, and some of those ingredients start to make sense. See my usual ingredient guide at the bottom of this review.
Performance wise, a little goes a long way – it’s a clear and thick water based lube which doesn’t evaporate quickly. It does leave a slight stickiness behind, but nothing to be overly concerned about.
For authenticity, I have chilled the lubricants before tasting – there’s no suggestion either way on the packaging, but thought I’d give it a go.
I’ll start with the Hazelnut Espresso, since I have a whole bottle of this one. I’m not a coffee drinker, so was really pleased that the over-riding taste is one of Hazelnut, and that the espresso flavour is a distant background taste. It’s not overly sweet and the taste does hang around for a while. As the taste matures, you go from getting the nuttiness to a mild coffee flavour. So, front notes of Hazelnut with a lasting mild coffee aftertaste.
Seeing as I’m on coffee, I might as well try the Tiramisu one next. Whoa! This is a real hit of flavour – obviously it lacks the ice coolness of gelato, but the flavours are spot on. An even longer after taste on this one, which seems to get sweeter over time. I think you should be warned, that if tiramisu is your weak point, you may well ingest this in one go.
Next up is Salted Caramel. This one really is delicious, this is quite a mild taste, but quite a bit sweeter than the Espresso. It could quite easily be the filling to a salted caramel chocolate bar, only more runny, and not brown.
So, this leaves me with Crème Brulee and Mint Chocolate. I’m one of those people who prefers their favourites last, and Mint Chocolate is one of my all time most favourite gelato, so here goes with the Crème Brulee.
This one is pretty authentic too, and by which I mean that it doesn’t taste of much. I always find crème brulee to just be sweet with no real flavour, and the System JO Gelato lube seems to have nailed it. The sweetest by far, the lack of flavour isn’t an issue, as long as you like sweet.
So, the best for last? Give it to me Mint Chocolate. The first thing that strikes me about this is the smell – only the tiramisu one up until now has had any discernible aroma. The dark chocolate aroma here though gets the olfactory immediately. The flavour however is a little more subtle. Definitely dark chocolate coming through, but the mint is extremely mild. Strangely enough, it also seems to develop, giving the correct aftertaste of mint chocolate gelato, even if the immediate taste is less recognisable.
My favourite System JO Gelato? Probably the salted caramel.
What is it like to eat?
I’ve not had a great deal of experience eating lubricant before, and I can report that it hasn’t left me feeling ill or in any way dodgy. What is weird though is the feeling in your mouth afterwards.
Now, if you’re performing oral sex, which I suspect is the main purpose of the System JO Gelato lubes, then the saliva and extra bodily fluids you’ll encounter will help to wash away the silky ube feeling, if you just fancy a snack though, once the flavour has gone, you might want to rinse out your mouth a bit.
Below is a list of ingredients & guidance on those ingredients.
|Aqua||Moisture (it’s water!)||-|
|Glycerin||Prevents drying out||sugars can lead to yeast infection|
|Potassium Sorbate||It's a preservative||-|
|Hydroxyethylcellulose||Binding & stabilising||-|
|Aroma||undisclosed mix of ingredients|
|Sodium Chloride||This is salt||-|
|Sucralose||This is a sugar||sugars can lead to yeast infection|
|Citric Acid||To balance the pH||-|
This information is based on my own research, is provided in good faith and intended as a guide only. It is not endorsed by any healthcare professionals nor by System JO. In the event of any doubt, please contact System JO.